Mother I Love You, I Love You, I Do

Today is the 5th anniversary since my beautiful Mother passed away. I can't believe it has been 5 long years already. There have been so many changes in my life, and many of them have probably stemmed from not having my Mommy.

This year has been a little bitter sweet also. She died on a Sunday, and the Sunday that Musical at East High was held. This year, it was a Sunday again, and Musical was also today.

I had to work today. Sitting at my desk all day long, I kept wondering if it was better for me at work, keeping my mind off of this day. Or if I should have just stayed home in bed, in the fetal position, and let Richard deal with the daily worries. I don't know.

There are times when I don't think I will ever get over the loss of my Mother. You never know how much you need someone until you are slapped in the face with the knowledge that you will never see them, hear their voice, hold them, hear their laugh or have them a phone call away again in this life.

When she died, one of my co-workers told me that she had also lost her Mother during the holiday season. She told me something that I don't think I will ever forget. She told me that it will never get better, but it will get easier. I believe that is true. The pain will never ever go away, but it gets easier to deal with as time goes on.

Mother's Watch by Andrea Hill

I sit beside you, Mom

On death's doorstep you lay

I set my head upon your wrist

As I bow my head to pray

The world to me shut off

The silence here is thick

Alone just you and I

And your watch's rhythmic tick

I block out all my pain

And loss I'm sure to feel

I concentrate now deeply

On the tick your watch reveals

I sit here now for days

And hear the rhythmic sound

I contemplate you being gone

The thought now seems profound

The time for you is near

To enter Heaven's Gate

I'll stay here by your side

Until your journey is complete

It's months now since you've passed

My wounds are healing slow

I want so much to hear your voice

To see your smile's glow

I lay my head upon my wrist

When my feelings are too strong

I hear your watch's rhythmic tick

And know you're never gone