2011 in Review {in pictures!}

37 weeks pregnant

Welcome to the world Tanner!

 Tanner @ Primary's
 Tanner @ CHLA just after surgery
 All of us @ the Ronald McDonald House in LA
 5 weeks old
Blessing day
Scottish Festival in their kilts!
4th of July Fireworks @ Bee's Stadium
 Lake Powell

2011 in Review

This has been one crazy, wonderful, terrifying and spectacular year. It has also been one of the scariest, worst and best years of my life.

I don't know how Kollin does it but each year with him has gotten better and better. Given that we've only been together just over 2 years, but still! It is making me look forward to many many more years to come with him and our little family that we are creating.

It is so strange that when I try to think back before Tanner was born, I can remember those times but it seems like Tanner has always been in my life and I cannot remember a time without him. His birth was the happiest day of my life so far and now that he is almost 11 months old and thriving, I have been able to begin getting to know him and see him as an actual person with a personality.

It is hard to believe that just a couple days after he was born we could have been told that he would be taken from us far too early. That first week of his life was by far the most difficult and terrifying seven days of my life. Not many years ago there would have not been anything the could have done but send him home with us and keep him comfortable until he passed. I am so thankful to live in this day and time when we was able to be saved and I got to keep my little Tinman.

The rest of the year with Tanner's health has fortunately been uneventful. Other than him getting bigger every day and turning into a little boy way too fast for my liking.

Our wedding day was the other biggest highlight of this year. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that we are officially a family for the rest of our lives, and have the goal to be an eternal family in the future.

I can't believe this year is already over. There have been so many things that have happened this year, I am forever grateful for every experience.

Let's see what this next year has in store for us!


Daddy the Jungle Gym

Oh, and he's standing!



Christmas Day Adventures

Yay for first time Christmas with the silly face!
 He made quite the haul. Mostly from Grandma Stark.
 Then we went to Great Grandma Norman's house.

 And played peek a boo.
Then we went to Great Grandma and Grandpa Richen's.
And watched the train with Grandma Cannon.

 All of the cousins.
 THEN we went to Grandma and Grandpa Cannon's house.
And Grandpa read Tanner a book he got as a present.
 Yup. It was a pretty good day!

Christmas Eve

We started Christmas Eve and Grandma of the Great Cannon's

 Then we all ended up at Grandma and Grandpa Cannon's.
All the boys got matching jammies!

 We tried to get a picture of Aunt Bippy holding some of the nephews, but it didn't really work...


Cousin Christmas a la Aunt Carler

It's the Annual Clark Christmas Party!
 Kids of the cousins.
 All the cousins that were there. All growed up!
 New generation of cousins!
 The sibs with the kids.
 All the sibs, spouses and kids.


Temple Square Lights

My family had dinner at The Roof to celebrate Erik coming home from his mission. Afterwards we decided to go walk around Temple Square and see the lights.
This is where my blondness comes in. I didn't figure that we would do that, so I wore uncomfortable heels, and didn't have anything warm for Tanner. DUH
At least I had an spare pair of shoes in the trunk of my car with my emergency kit, and a HUGE blanket to try to bundle Tanner in. It didn't work great, he was still miserable but lived.

The stroller brigade! We had all 5 grand kids!
 Grandpa Cannon playing peek a boo with Tanner and cousin Wayne. Tanner was not happy.
It would be so nice to be able to go again with Kollin since he wasn't able to get off work in time to be with us. And also have Tanner better dressed... We'll see!


Our Heart Baby

We have always wanted to find a heart ornament for our tree this year because of Tanner's surgery. We were finally able to find one we liked. Also the fact that it is metal and not glass was a bonus since he can't break it!

 You can also see his snaggle tooth that he got recently. So cute! No top front teeth, but he's got that fang. Yay!



8 years.

8 years.
Sometimes it feels longer.
Other times it doesn't feel that long.

I know it will be a blink of an eye for you when we are able to see each other again.
I wish it was like that for me.

I miss you.
I need you.
I love you.

I was talking to someone the other day of the last time I saw you.
You had lost the ability to speak days before. Your eyes were constantly moving and would not fix on anything. You would not react to anyone anymore.
When I came down the hallway to your room to say hi, Dad was sitting with you. His eyes got huge and said that you had reacted when you heard my clunky heels walking down the hall. He said it was one of the first reactions anyone had gotten all day.
He left me alone with you and I crawled into your bed with you. I held you in my arms and told you how much I loved you and how unbelievably scared I was. I told you that I hoped you would not be disappointed in me and knew you still loved me no matter what.
I looked in your face trying to make eye contact, but it wasn't happening. You were not there anymore.
But then you suddenly looked at me. Your eyes stopped on mine and I could see YOU.
"There you are!" I said. "I love you so much Mommy."
You then gave me a look of how frustrated you were for not being able to say it back to me. I knew then, as I have always known that you love me too.
And then your eyes moved away and you were gone again.
Later that evening, Dad called me to let me know that you had passed peacefully.

I know with all of my heart that you know I was there that day. That you heard me and understood what I was saying to you. That you love all of us and did not want to leave.

I have felt you more this past year than I ever have. I have received help with my son, especially during those first few weeks of his life that were so terrifying. I wonder if I would have been able to handle it the way that I did if I didn't feel your sweet blanket of love around me. Knowing that you were there and I could do it.

I sometimes get sad that he will never meet you. But I know that you knew each other and you still know him so well. Thank you for picking this beautiful little guy just for me.

I cannot say it enough how much I love and miss you.
But you know I do.

I love you!


It's Begining to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Well the tree is finally up!
I found the cutest idea for baby's first Christmas ornament on Pinterest.
 It was a little bit of an adventure getting the perfect hand print, but after about 3 tries it worked!


George J Cannon Christmas Party

Every year we do the George J Cannon Christmas Party. It is so much fun to see extended family that we normally wouldn't ever see.

My cousin, Camille, (well, she's actually my dad's cousin's kid, but we just say we're cousins) with Tanner and her nephew Thomas. Thomas is 2 weeks older than Tanner. All 3 are such cuties!
 First time with Santa. Santa, (Uncle Doug) was having some costume malfunctions, so he couldn't fit on his lap. So Daddy held him. He didn't even fuss or get scared or anything!
Can't wait to see everyone again next year!

10 Months Old

10 months? 2 more months and he'll be a year!
Where did the time go?

He is so much fun and as always, the happy little guy that he's always been.
He's still pretty tiny. Still in 3-6 month clothing, but probably going to switch soon since they are starting to get a little small.

This month had a few new things. I guess the new milestones are starting to slow down for now, or I just haven't really noticed anything that new.

Kollin and I got married this last month, and Tanner was our cute little ring bearer/best man/silly face. He was so darn cute in his little kilt!

Chloe is actually starting to play with him more, and not just avoid him. It may be because he's more mobile or that he drops food for her?

It is so funny to see him crawling now. Depending on what type of surface he is on will depend on what crawl he does. On carpet it is usually the "normal" baby crawl. Then on hard wood or tile or something slippery, it is the gorilla or peg leg crawl. So fun to watch him switch between them and really get cruising around the house.

We also had our first Thanksgiving with him. He liked the mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes and rolls!

Last month I could feel one of his fangs coming in. Now I can see it, and also see the tooth right next to it (eye tooth?) coming in! Still no top front teeth though. I can see them coming down though, just not surfacing yet. Silly kid.

He is also still very verbal. At least around us. When he is somewhere new or new people are around he is of course shy and very quiet. Once he gets warmed up though, he's a little chatter box. His favorite "words" are still "ba ba ba ba," and "mama." He is starting to say them all in different tones though. He is still doing the growl thing, is now whispering and is doing this funny little voice that I can't decide if I want to call it Donald Duck, a gremlin or a zombie. But you get the idea of what it sounds like.

We are having so much fun with you around and can't wait to spend these holidays with you for the first time! (although you won't know what's going on)

I love you more and more all the time.