Yesterday was our 2 year anniversary.
Yesterday we also had our 20 week ultrasound! Usually people are pretty excited about it since it is when they find out the gender of the baby. After our experience with Tanner, however, I was so so scared and nervous for this ultrasound.
I felt so terrible for Kollin because I spent the entire morning before our appointment crying and pretty much freaking out. I was hoping so much for good news so it wouldn't completely ruin our anniversary, but the anxiety leading up to it pretty much accomplished that (at least in my head). Kollin said it was ok and that he understood, but I still felt terrible.
I was having such a hard time I called my dad to see if we could go find him on our way to the appointment and if he could give me a blessing. I wanted to feel peace and comfort no matter what the outcome of the ultrasound was. Of course my dad was more than willing to meet up with us to give me a blessing.
We met in the Little America parking lot. My dad had never given a blessing in that parking lot before, but he said it was perfectly fine to give a blessing in a car, so we went for it. Afterwards I was still crying a little bit, but not nearly as much as before. I can't express how thankful I am that I am able to go to him or any other priesthood holder that is available to be able to perform this special act for me. It will be even more wonderful once Kollin is able to do this for our family again in the future.
When we got to the appointment the ultrasound tech was so sweet to us. She was the same one I had when I was pregnant with Tanner. I'm sure she didn't remember me, but read my chart and knew how scared I was because of our previous experience. We had Tanner with us and she asked if he was the miracle baby
and how he was doing now. It was so nice of her to ask that and let me know that she really cared.
As we started the ultrasound one of the first things we looked at was the gender. And it is a....
I'll admit we both wanted a girl since I don't know if I want to have anymore kids. But this will be so much fun with two boys! I hope that Tanner and his little brother will be best friends and have so much fun together.
Then she started looking at everything else and so far so good!
Then it came time to look at the heart. She did a close up on it and I was able to count all 4 chambers! Once I saw that I started to cry. She handed me a tissue and just let me cry as we watched that beautiful little thing pump away.
Now I know that Tanner's defects had nothing to do with have 4 chambers or not. He has always had all 4 chambers to his heart. His defects were so subtle and hard to see on an ultrasound is why they were completely missed. But in our Heart Community it is a big deal to be able to see those 4 chambers in your first ultrasound. It at least gives you peace of mind that their heart is whole. As far as she was able to see all of the major arteries where also there and in the right places.
Being able to see that has calmed me down quite a bit. I know we are not out of the woods yet. There could still be many defects going on that are not easily seen. But I am at least comforted and feeling better about this baby... until it comes time for the fetal echo next month.
I have been so nervous this entire pregnancy and know that nothing will take that away until after he is born and we are *hopefully* given the clean bill of health. Even after that it may take a while to sink in.
But either way we are so excited for this little one to come and can't wait to meet him! Only 5 1/2 more months!